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Anger Management
101
Self-Esteem and Anger
Discover How Self-Esteem Helps You Deal with
Your Anger
You’ve found yourself feeling a lot of anger
lately – you’ve lashed out on people without meaning to, hurting them and
damaging your relationships with them in the process. Your anger has affected
your work and your social life. You are beginning to feel like it’s taking you
over, and that your anger has spiraled out of control. What do you do?
They key to understanding your anger is to
explore and discover its cause, or its root. And one of the common causes of
anger in individuals is a lack of self-esteem.
Self esteem and anger may seem like two
entirely different and unrelated concepts, but they can be associated with each
other in the way that they affect one another. A lack of self esteem can lead to
higher levels of anger and rage. How and why, you ask? Here are some possible
explanations.
Low self-esteem can lead you to unhappiness and
depression.
When you’re unhappy and depressed, you are more
prone to be infuriated and angry at certain circumstances and at the people
around you. With low self-esteem, you are more likely to be dissatisfied with
yourself and your life, and when you are dissatisfied, you are more likely to
blame yourself and others for your dissatisfaction, leading you to hate yourself
and to hate others. That hate is just a manifestation of anger.
Low self-esteem is that nagging voice in your
head that eventually becomes that angry voice in your head.
When a person has low self-esteem, he is never
happy or satisfied with himself – in fact, he may even see himself as
unattractive and unacceptable. Such negative thoughts and emotions, when they
start to pile up inside a person, eventually transform into angry thoughts
directed not only towards one’s self but also towards others, thereby becoming
harmful not only to the person but the people around him.
On the other hand, appropriate levels of
self-esteem can lead to better anger management. One main reason: self-esteem
allows you to respect yourself and respect others. When you have high
self-esteem, you respect yourself, and when you respect yourself, you also
respect others. And when you respect others, you don’t just lash out at them
when you reach a disagreement, the way you would if you allowed your anger to
take over your senses.
So how do you increase your self-esteem, and
in the process handle you anger issues better? Here are some ways to help you do
so.
Enumerate the things that you like about
yourself.
You can do a list on paper or just in your head
– in any case, enumerate the traits and characteristics that you like about
yourself. Whenever you find yourself becoming destructive and overly
criticizing, think of this list and allow it to make you feel better. These
things that you like about yourself are your strengths - use them at times when
you feel weak and defeated.
Focus on your strengths, not on your
weaknesses.
Once you’ve found and identified your
strengths, it’s important to keep them in mind, instead of constantly thinking
about your weaknesses. When you begin to pity and dislike yourself, start
looking at your strengths and set side your weaknesses – deal with these
weaknesses another time, when you’re confident enough about yourself to face
your flaws, and either accept them or try to change them.
Don’t dwell on failure, but relish in success.
Sometimes things just go wrong, no matter how
hard you try to keep them from doing so. When you’ve failed on something, think
about where you might have gone wrong, realize the lessons you’ve learned from
the experience, and move on.
Don’t dwell on failures – learn from them and
get on with life. Eventually success will come, and when it does, relish it,
enjoy it. But don’t take too long doing so – enjoy your success for a while and
then be ready to take on life’s next challenge afterwards. Success builds
confidence, but leveraging on them too much might lead to misguided self esteem.
Balance is the key.
Still having problems with your anger and your
self esteem? Do not be embarrassed to seek professional help. Remember that the
earlier you try to find a solution to your problem, the better. If you find that
you won’t be able to solve your issues alone, console with a friend or a
psychiatrist – there’s no shame in asking of help and we will discuss this
further on.
>>>
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