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Anger Management
101
Learning Assertiveness Skills
How to learn assertiveness skills
Being assertive has often been defined as being
self assured and confident. Most often being assertive has been identified with
being strong and in control. Being assertive means being able to express how
you feel and at the same time being in control of those feelings.
A person who asserts his rights refers to
someone who is so confident he is on the right track that he will do anything
and everything to make sure such right is protected. The characteristic of
being assertive can be used to control a person’s emotions especially his
anger.
Anger is a natural emotion but knowing how to
express the anger that a person feels takes a lot of practice. An angry person
will usually react in an aggressive manner which means being combative with the
object of his anger. Expressing anger in this manner will only produce a
negative effect not only to the object of the anger but more importantly to the
person who is expressing his anger.
There is a huge difference between being
assertive and being aggressive.
A person who has tried expressing his anger in
an aggressive manner will tell you how draining it is afterwards. Expressing
anger can be tiring physically and emotionally and it can lead to emotional
breakdown. However, a person who has mastered the art of expressing his anger
can be a winner in more ways than one.
Of course, it will always be difficult to think
straight when one is angry. But this is the trick and the art of mastering your
emotions. Man should never allow himself to be a victim of his emotions and his
primitive desires. It may temporarily feel good to lash out at someone in anger
but knowing the consequences can help a person control his rage.
An angry person can choose to express his anger
and suffer the emotional and physical payoff later on. He can choose to keep
his anger to himself and risk the possibility of getting heart problems. The
best way to express anger is to manage your emotions and learning how to
communicate what you feel to the other person without getting into a tirade.
Being assertive in expressing anger means being
able to tell the object of your anger what you want and what the other party can
do to achieve what you want. Communicating things clearly is always better than
getting into a tirade and hurting others and yourself too.
Most often people get angry because they do not
like the way things are being done. Sometimes, they do not like the way they
are being treated by another. To make sure you have a solution for your anger,
you have to communicate your needs to the other person by being assertive.
Perhaps, the other person is not aware of your needs or is not aware that he is
already riling you. You have nothing to lose by being assertive and explaining
what you want and your point of view.
Developing assertiveness skills will take time
but the more you practice being assertive the nearer you will be to your goal.
Possessing assertiveness skills means being in control of your emotions and
being able to express such emotions in a calm manner. Being clam will ensure
that you are able to get your feelings across without necessarily exhibiting the
common manifestations of anger like shouting and hitting or throwing things.
Like most life skills, assertiveness skills can
be developed over time but once a person gets the hang of it he can already make
use of his assertiveness skills to express his anger logically. Being able to
do this is a win-win situation because assertiveness skills will enable a person
to express his anger calmly and at the same time it will enable him to get what
he wants.
If you are angry and you feel like striking the
object of your anger then do something that can release your anger. Try
releasing pent up emotions by going for a walk or using any of the other coping
mechanisms we have included in this guide. One thing to remember is that
releasing sweat can work miracles in releasing and letting go of stress and
anger.
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