Anger Management 101

Commit to Change and Manage Anger

If you are angry and you know it, raise your hand 

Anger is not all bad; it is how one expresses it that spells the difference.  Managing anger is important especially if one has the tendency to lose control over situations big or small.   

The following are basic tips and advice to help you be comfortable with your anger, and being able to express it in a manner that is not hurtful towards others or yourself. 

Know what you are angry at  

First things first, how would you get to manage the anger that seems to broil deep down inside you when you have no clear idea as to the situations, matters that trigger them in the first place? 

It is important therefore that you identify any attitudes that you have which predispose you to a host of reactions.   

Do you not like it when the waiter takes about ten minutes to give you your regular order?  Or what would your reaction be if the cashier in your local 7-11 store punches the wrong keys and you end up short changed.   

Do you vent? Do you rave?  Do you feel you want to punch someone or at least scream at their face?   

Fortunately or unfortunately, you are not alone.  If it is these triggers that set you off, then you have at least made that significant first step of becoming aware of your feelings and your reactions. 

Knowing and having identified what makes you angry make it a lot easier to deal with when they erupt.  You also could get to see how your past reactions were in order to gauge or determine how your current reaction would be, now that you know a bit better. 

Past is past, let them go 

Most of us carry a litany of conditioned responses and go through life using those to deal with every blow that comes our way.  Usually, these responses were those left over from childhood.   

Remember when you were crying and a grown-up caregiver - your parents, aunts or relatives – told you it is bad to be angry?  And so you kept it all inside you until you grew up.  As an adult, this then gets manifested as denial and fear of truly expressing what you feel. 

Being aware of such past conditioned behavior actually frees you from its clutches.  By bringing the feelings to the fore of your attention, you then get to deal with them and eventually use them to not be as impediments to your personal growth.   

Anger needs to be acknowledged as it is there.  Anger that is suppressed is not healthy and if it is not appropriately dealt with could lead to it exploding unnecessarily later on. 

Respond not react 

Believe it or not, you and you alone have the ultimate choice on how to respond to a situation.  

There are various ways to express your anger besides the more traditional ways such as throwing a tantrum, throwing a chair, or hailing invectives.   

These non-traditional ways of expressing anger are also legitimate, as long as the pathway towards expressing one’s emotions is cleared.   

Responding to our own feelings towards an anger-provoking situation helps expose built-in and buried emotions that you may have concealed from yourself.  Observe how self-anger could lead to feeling depressed or anxious.   

The solution to this is managing our own reaction to situations, not burying it with alcohol, drugs or any addiction provoking habit. 

Forgive and try to forget, if you can’t, then just forgive for now 

It is not easy to forget a deed that may have caused a lot of anger inside you.  If there are any wounds from an emotionally charged relationship or interaction that you are still carrying and heavily weighing you down, then why are you still carrying it?   

There is a natural reaction to mope.  Usually, going through this stage helps in ultimately letting go of the resentment do.  Forgiving others usually starts from forgiving the self.  Try this one for a change. 

All in all, anger is a difficult emotion to deal with especially if you are exerting the effort to not deal with it.  Acknowledging you are angry and finding positive ways to deal with your feelings are the steps to letting it go.

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